A treatise on Swagger

It is posted here: http://thedhip.myblogsite.com/entry26.html#body

But you can read it here too, because I am feeling pretty bold today.

A Treatise on Swagger

Ok, so I know people would much rather have 5 short posts than one long write up. This is long… but you can fee free to show some self control and read this over 5 days…. :)

Well, it is happening. And when I say it, I mean 2 things.

1. Hoffman and I are both still exercising on a regular basis, continuing to fight the good fight

2. Hoffman and I have both slipped into “busy mode”. Ie we are going out more, doing things…staying occupied. It is wonderful, but it also means making the time to keep up with these blog posts a priority is not happening as much for us….He is really close to having the new DHIP website up and running…but has not quite pulled the trigger yet. I have some video footage I could be editing and making presentable and postable…but I have not quite pulled the trigger yet

On a side note, I think Times New Roman is an extremely ugly font.

So there it is, instead of dhipping we are slipping…but only a little bit. Because I just decided to get off my couch and write this. And promise the world that are are going to follow through, we will be achieving our full potentials.

So what has been going on? Well on Hoffman’s side I know he has stayed active with soccer games and golf outings, taken care of Cade, and, on a very exciting note, gotten himself a job interview! I will let Mr. Hoffman write all about that, it will be his exciting tale to tell. But best of luck Mr. Hoffman, may your swagger hit an all time high this week. What exactly do I mean by swagger? Well let me get back that in a minute.

What else has been going on? Well on my end, I will admit I have gone out and done fun things, concerts and festivals and dance clubs and sporting events; and in doing so I think I have found a small amount that same swagger that Hoffman will walk into the interview with.

So when I say swagger, I don’t mean in the extreme obnoxious sense: swagger as defined by dictionary.com = to walk or strut with a defiant or insolent air OR to boast or brag noisily.

I mean, I guess its like that, but I want to talk about an endearing swagger. More of just an air of optimism and confidence that stays with you regardless of what comes your way, thus boosting your ability to perform tasks well when faced with a high level of difficulty. Perhaps there is a little bit of both to it… but really I want the ability to be nice and caring and positive and fun… and also have swagger.

I guess mostly I really love the way the word “swagger” sounds.

On a side note, Old spice has a body wash or deodorant or something called “Swagger”. And why wouldn’t they? Its brilliant. Jackasses like me who love talking about swagger would flock to it. Except I didn’t… sorry old spice, I have not sampled your swagger, so I don’t even know If I would like it or not. Something in my head still equates old spice as the brand of the generation above me, and that Axe is much more the image of my demographic. I mean, come on, “Old Spice”? really? That’s your name? Yes, I absolutely love your Swagger commercials, and the youtube Q and A with your man of swagger were brilliant… but you’re still called Old Spice. You really want us to give you a try? Keep Old spice as the brand of the weird ointments for old men; come out with a new brand called “Big Spice” or something….because the Axe might get you started, but the Big Spice burns forever. You’re Welcome.

What was I saying? Swagger. The word. I love it. Here is how much I love it:

1. I'd like to open a grocery store, but instead of groceries we would sell nothing but swagger. That way the guys we hire to load up your purchases would be called "Swagger Baggers"

2. In Super Mario Brothers, I wish instead of finding an invincibility star, you could find a “Swagger Star”. Actually, you basically do; you could start calling the invincibility star the swagger star and not change the game, the results are the same. In fact I hope the kids everywhere start calling it the swagger star.

3. I almost wish the word for tail was actually swagger. Then you could see a bold dog and say “awesome swagger wagger!”

4. I hope they make a sequel to “How Stella got her groove back” called “How Stella got her Swagger Saved”

There are probably more situations I could force the word swagger into, but that should suffice for now.

So the long and the short of it all is, there really is something magical about swagger, you do feel this air of confidence like you can accomplish anything you want to. It is the opposite of depression, when you don’t even know what you want and you are certain you cannot accomplish it.

David Hoffman has lots of swagger. Let’s be honest . we all know this is true. The man will stand on the ultimate field, say “watch this” and then throw the disc perfectly into the endzone. OK, not every time, but enough times that I remember it looking cool a lot, and not really remembering a time when he didn’t make the big throw.

I’m going to relate a little story about what happened last week to me, then I will get back to Hoffman and his super swagger, and what he can use that to accomplish. Yes my friends, swagger can be wielded like a sword.

So Thursday night I went to a concert with some friends. It was amazing, a punk rock show like many I have attended in the past. The mosh pit is a wonderful and exciting place. Now make no mistake, I am not talking about the heavy metal death goth murder your family awful mosh pit. Those idiots are trying to hurt and trample each other. Its awful. I'm talking about the friendly fun punk rock mosh pit, where its more just like dancing as hard as you can whilst surrounded my many others doing likewise. Yes, there is some pushing and lots of jarring, but no one wants anyone to get hurt. My first mosh pit ever was at a Less than Jake concert many years ago, but I will never forget. I saw a kid fall over. It looked perilous, all of a sudden this kid is laying on the concrete while hundreds of feet are jumping forcefully. I remember trying to fight through the crowd to get to him, to try to help him up but I could barely move (I did not know my way around the pit yet…). But it didn’t matter. When that kid fell over, a thousand hands reached out to help pull him up. He was back on his feet dancing like a flailing idiot in no time flat. (wow, if only our government acted like that….)but I digress….

So Thursday night’s concert had a really fun friendly vigorous mosh pit. And the thing is, I could tell that all this p90xing had made me stronger. Some people want to go into the pit and knock people over. Which is ok when they are small and really cant knock people over. But I actually think picking people up is more fun (and more challenging) than knocking them over. So I try to mosh like I am surfing a big wave I just try to get in the middle and dance, trying to stay in the middle and dance like no one is around, even though I'm constantly bouncing off lots of people who are pushing forcefully every which way. It might be a type of fun suited to me and only me, but I love it.

And on a side bonus note, a long concert mosh pit session is definitely a hard workout!

So here is where the story gets interesting. I think, because I helped a few people up when they fell, and I bounced all around the pit feeling stronger than I ever have in my life, something happened that boosted my swagger…

So my friend and I left the concert to go meet some friends at MJQ, an Atlanta underground dance club. The place did pretty well developing that unique street credit of being a legitimately cool place. It looks like you are walking into a mechanics garage to get your car fixed… then all of a sudden you are at the bar.

But on this particular night, things were extra crowed. Partly because for some reason, they had decided to make this a night where 18 year olds could get in. We did not know this ahead of time. What I did not know at the time, is that all these bozo kids who had no business being out were overcrowding this club, and worrying and stressing out all the bouncers and staff, making them all a bit high strung…

So after waiting in line a bit, we finally get to the door, where the bouncer outside tells us to go in. When we get in however, we are not greeted with any pleasantries; quite the opposite in fact. Just inside the door was the little front vestibule area where they were collecting the door cover charge etc… and for some reason they were not happy with where people were standing, because the bouncer got hostile. The first thing I hear when I open the door is and abrasive bouncer yelling at all of us: “Back the F#ck up! Move the F%ck away! Shut that F*cking Door!” It was a full blown F Bomb barrage. I felt like the awkward guy playing paintball for the first time who gets pinned up against a wall and unloaded on with paint pellets, each one stinging like an angry hornet defending its hive.

Normally, I’d like to think I would have just apologized (for no reason, since we hadn’t exactly done anything wrong, we went inside when the outside bouncer told us to…), backed up, perhaps tried to make the guy laugh later with some peaceful shenanigans… but that is not what I did. I don’t know what got into me. Ok that’s partly a lie, there was definitely vodka that had gotten into me. And orange juice. And we all know how violent orange juice drinkers can get.

So I stared right back at this bouncer and yelled “Start Over!””

(who says that? Not me! Maybe a character in a movie…not me!)

I then added “You need to be more polite! Say Please next time!”

I then closed the door… then opened it back up, poked my head in and yelled “You’re Welcome!”… and slammed the door shut.

The outside bouncer than politely told me that I could not go into this club. After that display?...Obviously…so I went across the street to a much more relaxed bar that had a wonderful outdoor garden and was not letting 18 year olds into the building. And my friends were all kind enough to no longer care about MJQ and came with me to the across the street spot where we all had a wonderful time, living laughing and loving.

And yes, I got laughed at a lot for my little outburst. Heck, I still laugh at myself. What got into me? Everyone knows that is not my normal style of operating, making it that much more humorous. But that my friends is the power of swagger…

And, in doing my best to be a consistent human being, on our way out later I stopped and talked to the outdoor bouncer (the friendly one who had to kick me out even though he didn’t think I was too out of line because he know his buddy inside was being a douche-bag; I’ll save my conversation with the inside guy for another day). I apologized for all my swagger and shenanigans, he graciously accepted, we hugged it out, and he explained more about how the antics of the idiot 18 year olds had pushed them all to their wits end and they had stopped being polite and started resorting to cursing, etc etc… and I will be welcome back next time I return. Hoorray, a swagger story with a happy ending.

But I do think something about that outburst was therapeutic for me…no, I do not plan to make a habit of yelling at bouncers at night clubs, but I do plan to bring that same never back down stand up for what you believe in mindest with me to try to achieve my goals. You’re trying to pick up heavy weights, and the weights try to tell you to give up? You tell those weights to start over!, and you boost them up! Work hard! Ok that’s my pump up speech for the day.

Tomorrow Hoffman and I both do the p90x chest shoulders and tricep workout, and the abripper, then hes playing soccer and I have ultimate. Big workout day. We hope to dominate it.

So back to Hoffman. What I really want is for Hoffman to walk into his job interview this week with swagger. If the interviewer asks you a question that you don’t like, look her in the eye and yell “Start Over!”.

No, that’s just a joke, do not do that. It is funny to think about, it would be funny if you saw it in a movie, but it is not what I am advising you to do.

But what I am saying is, walk in with confidence. Know that you have an answer to every question. A good one. Know that you are a baller that can accomplish anything you want. Know that you made it into the world series of poker. Know that you have stuck with 9P0x longer than most. Know that your journeys is not done, but you obviously have the strength to complete it. Know that they are gonna love you. Swagger my friend, we all know you have it. When you walk into the room, just think in your head “watch this”, because obviously you are going to tell us all about how it went later.

Peace be with you my friends, may your swagger be strong.